Baby steps

I will never forget feeling the call to move very far away. I was in my twenties at the time and for as long as I could remember, I struggled with finding my place in the world. I remember thinking that moving to this city would open a whole new world for me. I wanted a very diverse experience and this city had everything I wanted so I heeded the call.

I decided to travel there first and get my bearings, considering employment and travel. However, a couple of days after I arrived, I was stunned to discover that I panicked. All of a sudden I was overwhelmed with depression and fear. Everything was so different, a whole new world to discover, and I froze. The reality of it left me paralyzed and I started to beat myself up, disgusted by my weakness.

Thankfully, I called a friend who encouraged me to accept exactly how I felt and not make it wrong. We are often hard on ourselves, pushing, pushing to be stronger, better. I will always be thankful and remember her fondly for her kindness and wisdom. Marcia allowed me to be where I was at emotionally and her guidance changed the course of my life.

She suggested taking a baby step and had a great idea! A couple of months later, I moved to a city, similar to the one I visited but within my current state, and I went my way.

I discovered that moving to that big city across the country would not have been right for me at that time. There were unexpected changes months later that confirmed I made the right decision and I was forever grateful!

Its ok to be afraid. We don’t have to do anything. But if the nudge is strong, sometimes a baby step, or a more simple plan is all we need.

Accept and trust your inner messages.

Go easy.

#acceptance

Decisions

If I look back on my life, the biggest decisions were not made by thinking, worrying, obsessing, wondering, and trying to figure it out on my own.

In times of big decision, it all became crystal clear when I quieted my mind and felt loving guidance.

You don’t have to DO anything! We were conditioned at a young age to be, do, go, meet, see. It was almost unnatural to just sit and be and do nothing. But in times of change, that is sometimes what we most need.

I feel most empowered when I turn my mind off and affirm that everything is working out for my highest and greatest good. I can’t see the big picture but I truly believe that a greater part of me can.

What works for me is affirming/feeling what I want to create and allowing the universe to unfold naturally. If I don’t know what I want, then I affirm that “I have clarity.” I do this when I am worried or stressed about something. I stop the chatter and turn it over to Spirit, affirming that it works out for the greater good of all. Sure, we call that faith. But if you struggle with that, know that energy is energy and where your attention goes, your life flows. So focus that the solution is here and stop the fear-based chatter.

Allow things to flow naturally. Smell the flowers or walk through the snow, look up at the sky and watch the hawks do their dive. Life is glorious. It all works out.

#peforthesoul #stopthechatter #decisions

In memory of Sweeper 2005-2018

She was lost, I remind myself. I watched her decline over the year and every time I thought this might be it, after a bad week, she bounced back and appeared to be herself.

Kind of.

She still walked into walls, got stuck in odd places, didn’t know if I was home or not, twitched, paced, walked in circles but she didn’t appear to be suffering or hurting. I remember one time, there were so few lately, I walked onto the porch and she looked up at me, right at me. There you are! I beamed. She beamed!

Those moments were rare and worth it. I was told it’s her brain. I often wondered…her quality of life…sleeping all day, incontinence, but she ate, kind of. Sure, I felt I had to bring the bowl to her mouth at times or help her locate her water…but she didn’t appear to be suffering. At times I tried to walk her, even though it was about two houses down before we returned. I brought her up to me and snuggled (as she always loved before) and tried to guide her but mostly she wanted down, to wander, stare, walk in circles, pace, until she made it to her bed.

I pushed all feelings aside for a year, found myself snapping at others, irritable, and it weighed on me. Is she in her private hell? I tried to read what she wanted or needed in each moment but she appeared lost.

I took a day off and the night before, she started to cry. She stood there in her bed, not wanting to lie down, look at how skinny she is. You’re not happy. I picked her up and rocked and snuggled with her until she fell asleep.

As usual, in the middle of the night, I woke up to her crying. I helped get her settled and the next day, my day off, she just started crying while standing in her bed. I tried to rock her, no good, she kept crying, whining.

I made the call.

I wrapped her up and rocked her until she fell asleep. She stopped crying.

Dearest Sweeper, I have missed you for a year. My jogging partner, my therapy dog, my ‘go everywhere we go’ girl, my protector, my friend, my excited and happy and friendly and jumping up and down, sweet and accepting mate. I have so missed you. It hits me, the painful year, where I pushed all my feelings aside a lot, hits me hard and I can’t stop crying. I miss you so much.

The guilt that comes with saying goodbye looks at me squarely in the face, and so I write. Sweeper, have you been found? #pet #animalcompanion

REWIND, Create a New Story

Many of us have an experience. And in that experience, we determine if we want to experience it again. We make a statement about it and we create a story that determines our path ever after.

Let me give you a personal example. I once tried a yoga class. It was so hard and rigorous that my legs and arms were shaking as I left the class. At the time, I was experiencing anxiety in my life. This shaking created more anxiety for me, thinking something must be wrong with me. So the story I created was that I hate yoga classes and they are not for me. If I did yoga, it was at my own at home and it was a routine that worked for me.

The end.

Or so I thought.

There came a time in my life when I wanted to change my life. I wanted to create more joy, adventure and fun. So I imagined my new life on a regular basis, the one I wanted to create, and I set my intent. One day I was about to tell this yoga instructor that she could take me off her mailing list, that yoga classes are not for me. And I paused. I asked myself, “Why not?” Needless to say, I went to her class and loved it so much, I now cannot imagine not going to her yoga class. This happened because I was open to change. I was open to creating a new story.

Our story, the one we continue to remind our self of, dictates our behavior which in turn creates our experiences. What if you decided to change your story? What If you decided to create a new one? What If? I dare you.
#manifest #create

Trust your life plan

Many times in our lives we may find ourselves in situations that question all of our decisions. Then one day we may get an “Ah ha” moment that brings such clarity and understanding. Because of these gifts, I remind myself of this wisdom during uncomfortable times. I remind myself that in that one precious moment of decision, it felt right. So I choose to honor that, trust that, and I sit with the uncomfort as I choose to show up, day by day, keeping it real. The excitement and joy happens subtly and the confidence and trust in self grows. It’s easy to stay as-is even though gentle nudges are trying to get our attention. Change can be hard. But listen we must. Act we must. Or one day we wake up and realize we missed the boat. Get to know yourself. Trust yourself. Honor your nudges. Keep it about you and what you are choosing to do, or not do, and leave the blame game behind. Trust the process of your life. You are where you are supposed to be, right now. So, what do you choose?

Take pause…and feel

For some of us, dealing with anxiety and/or depression has been a roller coaster ride for much of our lives. We are up, we are down. We are on, we are off. When we feel good we want to hang onto those feelings and never let them go, sometimes to our own detriment. I mean can you blame us? Feeling good feels good and we don’t want it to end. When we feel that darkness starting to creep in, we ignore it. We may start to use some tools we know of to get back on track and we push forward. And then one day we pause. We may look over at our senior animal companion and feel immense sadness that they are changing…growing old and we cry. And with tears streaming down our faces we cry for all the change happening in our lives, in our world. We may cry because of pain, fear, sadness, joy. Whatever the reason, there is a freeing release. Depression/anxiety has been that gift for me.

Take time to acknowledge whatever feelings you have without judgment…and allow yourself the experience of having them. You will let them go when you are ready.


#feel